also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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