party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
one might say we're banned from that church
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
