I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
