yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
