it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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