My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
