Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
