I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
