I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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