More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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