my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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