Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
