so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
