i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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