WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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