last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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