i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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