very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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