Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
