So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
