I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
