Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
