i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
