listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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