get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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