are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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