I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
