I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
