Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
