if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
