did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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