If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
we're making bets on your personal life
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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