Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
