I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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