I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
