I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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