Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
