I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
