Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
