You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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