Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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