smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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