The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
