you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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