she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
