I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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