Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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