I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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