omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
