I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
