It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
