you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
