he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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