also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
