When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
