WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
