So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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