I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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