How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
