oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
