So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
