all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
