Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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