My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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