We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
