It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
