sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
