I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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