"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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