And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
