Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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