I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
