Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
