You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
