the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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