It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
