but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
