He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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