i think my mom watched the whole time
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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