Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
