shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
