Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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