TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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