I am spending my child support on dildos
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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