the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
