also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just gift wrapped bread.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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