please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
