So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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