I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
two words...techno handjob
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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