i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
