We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
