If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize