There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
